The Sweet Relief of a Blog

*sigh*

Im sitting here in my half put together living room, on the verge of another spout of tears. After a week of moving, packing, and being 8 1/2ish months pregnant, its been stressful and overwhelming, Im not going to lie. We still have to move some of our other kitchen, and i have to clean. And now we have a house full of boxes, trash from cleaning and unfinished painting jobs, and no matter how much i scrub everything is still nasty and dirty and needing painting. I never thought this whole thing would be such a big deal, i mean moving is a little stressful but really!?

I cant do everything, i have a massive stomach in my way, and its now super hard. My poor husband is helping me out like a poor slave boy all while having a MAJOR lack of sleep, getting sick, sore everything from moving, and working 8 hours a day, AND yet still having a good attitude and encouraging me. How? I dont know???

Im just needing to vent and cry a little tonight...

I dont know what it means to have OPTIONS, i have to be honest with myself and say i dont like change to much, and its really hard for me, unless its planned. (i know im crazy) SO, im happily packing and moving, everything perfectly labeled, and then get to the new place and BAM! I cant just do everything the SAME, which i did not even think about. SO im in a whirlwind of trying to figure things out, and wanting to do something NEW, but dont even know where to start. (I know, one box at a time, one room at a time) tried it, got half way done and then had to start on something else cause we needed it. So now i have every room STARTED, not finished, and not cleaned. Im a bit, let me rephrase, Im a big germ freak especially when its someone else's nasty grime, that has a big question mark above it...gross...
This is my predicament, 1: unpack and clean just what im doing at a time, but leave everything else a crazy mess? OR 2: Do i clean the entire room then unpack? (these obviously are not my only options, but are two i cant ignore)

I just want to "NEST" but i cant and it sucks ..period.. Other peoples nasty ?'s are driving me up the walls, and i cant clean like i would actually feel comfortable living in, the "touch up" painting to COVER grime is not done, my belly is COMPLETELY in the way of everything and hindering me for all of it, I have boxes and boxes of stuff i dont know what to begin with, I have an amazing and overly stretched husband i have to ask to do everything, down to even moving a box because "its to heavy", two scared and freaked out cats that are getting NO attention locked in the scary basement and feel terrible about it, Im a month and a half away from meeting our baby and dont have anything ready for him, the pregnancy fatigue and nausea has hit me again, i still have to clean and finish moving the other apt., i have to deal with my car and get it towed still, i dont know what to do and make everything work Smoothly with all these options and decisions, did i mention my stomach is always in the way, and i constantly get remarks on how big i am and rude stares everywhere? I LOVE baby's movements and kicks, but lately they have been anything but pleasant, when he does kick its a full moving of my ribs, or He is literally going to punch right through my skin. (even thought they still make me smile)And my hormones and emotions are at an all time high. I have never in my life been so down, or i guess blah about myself. My hands and feet are swollen, i have gained enough weight to live off of for 10 years, and my new stretch marks are not helping in any way, shape, or form, and any sort of moving, walking, stretching, exercise leaves me out of breath. BLAH feeling ( i have always been athletic and in good shape) I know it will all be worth it, and im not a vain kind of person but its really getting me down, and its a new challenge to have to deal with, and am not to sure how to. And to top it all off my lips are chapped!
This is a LITTLE of where i am right now, the last few days, and im sure the next few. I just feel useless

Im trying so hard not to just go at everything and do my thing, but i cant thats just not feasible right now being pregnant. I am trying to enjoy this last few weeks of this journey, but its hard right now. I want to enjoy nesting like everyone else does, and do some cleaning, and getting ready, but i have "demolition" projects ahead of me..

All of this to say, i love our new home. Its perfect for us, big and cozy (minus the scary basement). It needs to be MAJORLY cleaned, and the baseboards need to be painted, but its wonderful. I need to put away and find places for everything, but im thankful we're not lacking. I love my husband more then ever, he is absolutely amazing, and needs a Husband of the Year award! (literally)

*SIGH*

Please pray for me to get things done as smoothly and quickly as possible so i can enjoy the last bit of this. I would like to finish and just be able to go and sit in the prayer room and relax before baby comes. :(

This is how im feeling....not so much angry though..haha


An overwhelmed,
Ash

Really quick, i want to let you all know that we are having a 100% Healthy baby!
Thank you all SO SO SO much for your prayers, especially for me, i was at peace for the most part right till we walked into the room. haha

Ok so, before heading off to the appointment i make Dan stop by Starbucks to get something COLD, SWEET, and CAFFEINATED, so that the baby will have three hits against him sleeping during the ultrasound..(I Know its horrible, but you gotta do what you gotta do!) So we get there, later as usual due to a wrong turn that turned into construction and a detour, get checked in and wait. About this time we are both a little anxious, and i was shaking from drinking a grande caramel frap. We go in to the room, and get everything going, she checks the heart rate, NORMAL, and then we sit and watch his clenched fists for about 10 minutes, all tellin him to open them up. We are shaking him around poking him, and then finally he popes open his left hand in a almost full salute! We all jumped for joy, and then began to wait on the right hand to do the same. Nothing, nothing, nothing. So finally another tech comes in and is talking to us and saying how its dumb we're back, and the dr who set us back is just crazy, which was their boss.. Quite a fun time. So she grabs the wand and is basically laying over me and on top of me to try and get a shot, which all we could get was a half open one. So we all called it good.

Basically He is perfectly healthy, no problems, and has two very relieved parents!
Thank you all again, we are so blessed to have everyone praying for our little man! :)


Ash, Dan and Bodie!

Red Flag on baby

Alright i thought i would do a quick update on whats going on with me and mainly the baby, and ask for urgent and much needed prayer before tomorrow at 3:30. The above picture is the main problem and cause for concern for our last ultrasound.

Yesterday (Tuesday) we went in for our normal check up, and our midwife Deb told us she wanted to talk to us about the ultrasound. She went on to tell us that the baby is at risk and a "Red Flag" is up for Trisomy 18 (ill explain later on). Our last ultrasound the week before didn't go so well all together it turns out. The baby's hands were clenched the entire time of the ultrasound, which is a sign and symptom of Trisomy 18. She told us that she was going to be completely honest with us and if she thought there was anything to look into she would. SO we have another ultrasound tomorrow to see if the baby opens up his hands or not. *sigh* Its a pretty normal thing to be double checking (i guess?) but that alone gives me no comfort. Dan, the saving grace of the day, started to ask all the normal questions, while i sat there and tried to listen. Some of the things that have given us so much hope is that Trisomy 18 babies are normally alot smaller, and He is measuring right on track along with me measuring perfectly. Also, during the first ultrasound we had at 15 weeks His little hands and fingers were moving around just fine, and the last thing was that He would have a short neck, which He again doesn't. The list goes on and on, all of which our baby checks out just fine as far as we know. So basically everything for the next few months lies in the baby's cooperation tomorrow. There is no way for us to make him open them up and if he doesn't its more of a waiting and wondering game.

Where we're at..

Dan is doing great, as usual.. haha After talking to our midwife Deb and getting some answers he is at complete ease, and comforting me. haha As i said today has been much better, compare to today. On one hand i am easily and fully trusting in the Lord. I know He has a plan in all of this, no matter that is going on. I know we have a fully healthy baby, and he has been healthy up to the last ultrasound and is still checking out just fine. Besides the clenched fists. There is a WHOLE NEW matter of trust that comes with something like this, especially it being your BABY. I went to the prayer room today to sort out my thoughts and just talk to the Lord, and before i even got my bible or sat down, i was in tears. The singers were singing one of the Psalms, and it was all about putting our whole trust in the Lord, and Him fully an completely coming through. A chorus they sang today that hit me so hard was "If he has birthed a cry in you, he is faithful to bring it to pass" It was good, and then i went and sorted life kinda things out with a good friend. Its been a good day, and Im not worried. Just a little tense about if he will cooperate tomorrow or not.

And then on the other hand I cant just ignore whats going on. The reality could be real of having a baby like this, and its terrifying. I want nothing more then a healthy baby, there is nothing i can do but trust the Lord. I am emotionally drained with this put at our door step. I dont want to carry this baby for two more months NOT knowing if he is healthy, or will make it to the end. We're just praying for answers tomorrow!! Everything seems to come in waves, and when it does i just cry. I need prayer for my mind and heart's sake. I just need peace.

Here is a quick and short overview of Trisomy 18:

There are 23 pairs of human chromosomes. In Trisomy 18 (Edwards syndrome), there is an extra chromosome with the 18th pair. Like Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome), Trisomy 18 affects all systems of the body and causes distinct facial features.

Trisomy 18 occurs in 1 in 3,000 live births. Unfortunately, most babies with Trisomy 18 die before birth, so the actual incidence of the disorder may be higher. Trisomy 18 affects individuals of all ethnic backgrounds. (I also read that the baby is carried full term most times and then born still)

Trisomy 18 severely affects all organ systems of the body. Symptoms may include:

* Nervous system and brain - mental retardation and delayed development, high muscle tone, seizures, and physical malformations such as brain defects
* Head and face - small head (microcephaly), small eyes, wide-set eyes, small lower jaw
* Heart - congenital heart defects such as ventricular septal defect
* Bones - severe growth retardation, clenched hands with 2nd and 5th fingers on top of the others, and other defects of the hands and feet
* Malformations of the digestive tract, the urinary tract, and genitals


This is as much as i am going to put or look up, we're believing for a healthy baby.
Please pray for us through out the night and tomorrow!

Thanks,
Ash Dan and Baby

30 weeks in the first trimester?

So here i am with some time on my hands...finally! So sorry this blog has been so neglected these last few weeks! We've been so busy, and when we have some free time its now turned nap time. :)

SO here we go with a quick update on the baby, and I.

BABY:
Baby is doing great, He is anywhere from 15-16 inches long (head to heal) and about 3-3 1/2 pounds! Hes getting so big, in very tight spaces. As you can tell from the ultra-sound pictures he looks like quite the CHUNK! He has the big cheeks Dan has been praying for! haha I still dont think he looks like either of us, but i will say that he has Daddys feet, we got a picture of each of his feet, and in one of them he was flexing it and all his toes were spread out. It was too cute.
He has been head down for a few weeks now, so hopefully he will just stay head down from here on out, (well hes more at an angel, head at my left hip and feet in my right ribs) :) He is already developing quite the personality. When ever i rub my tummy, he will push his back or head towards my hand, and when i stop he kicks pretty hard to keep going. haha Its so cute to see a little bulge in my tummy where he is, Dan thinks he'll be pretty touchy. He is mostly sleeping through out the night, except when i stumble out of bed to go to the bathroom, so i try and be as graceful as i can! This morning I was jolted wide awake by a MASSIVE thunder, which also woke baby up, and scared him so bad he had gotten the hiccups, i felt so bad for him, but it was so cute as well!!

ASH:

I have been doing pretty good, well ok, this last trimester is kicking my butt all over again! I feel like i have entered the first trimester again, im SUPER tired, a bit nauseous all day long, and now i have a tummy sticking way out which hinders bending and certain movement...haha I do have to say i am SO THANKFUL i am no longer on night watch like in the first three months, i think thats mainly why i was so sick.
Other then this i have been doing great, loving MOST of the babys kicks, punches, and jolts, minus the constant or demanding kick or push to the ribs.
I am taking more iron due to a low red blood count after my glucose tolerance test. I am also measuring perfectly on track for the week i am, and all my normal check up stuff is right on track, which is wonderful news! I have been feeling huge lately, and when i went to see our midwife for my normal check up, she was SHOCKED at how big i was. When she went to measure me me she stepped back and said "WHOA, your all baby!!" Which im not going to lie scared me, out of 800 births i cant possibly be the only person my size this big by now..? right? Through out the rest of the check up she was on complete shock and made sure to voice all of her amazement. But i am measuring right on so it is all ok.

Please be sure to continue to be praying for my back, the bigger i get it seems to be getting worse. I am completely limping around and sometimes unable to walk, especially up three flights of stairs, i almost had to have Dan carry me up yesterday. We are painting the home we are about to move into and packing and cleaning, and as easy as i am taking it, it just doesnt seem to matter.
Thanks!

This is it for now, and i WILL be putting some more pictures of my tummy up SOON!

LOVE,
Ash and Bodie

* My nightmare Ultrasound*
Just on a quick and humorous side note, i figured i would let you know how this last ultrasound went. :/

We had our last ultrasound earlier this week. As the lady was getting all the pictures she needed to make sure everything checks out, I was feeling great, all day no problems. Then she decided to "make sure" the baby was still a boy but could not get the shot for anything, so she went about it from another angel, which just happened to be at my empty stomach. So shes pushing and pushing and i start to see spots, and the room going dark, so i tell her im not feeling to good to get her to stop, but no she had me roll to my side for a minute or two and then roll back to my back for her to continue. So everything starts again, rooms going black and my ears are ringing so loud i can no longer hear her at all. So i sit up, yup, with all the gel all over and tell here im not feeling good for real. So she sits there kinda worried and said to just clean up and she'll step out till im doing better. (which by this time i cant hear OR see her. She walked out and i grab the trash as quickly as i can and throw up.....yeah i know.... (this was a first in months!) As soon as i finished everything came back into view and i could hear again. Dan was in complete shock and the sudden change of direction, but was wonderful like always. I clean up, but still had gel all over my shirt from sitting up, and walk out of the room. mortified i tell her im sorry, and of course it was no big deal to her, we get our pictures and leave... I have no idea why i got so sick for this, and have been queasy since. BUT the baby is STILL a boy..... HAHA